It’s been over 4 years since I’ve last honored my passion of writing. It’s been over 4 years since my last blog article. I’m a firm believer that it is within our most vulnerable moments that we have the power to heal and inspire. I suppose my time is now. Read on and enjoy.

“All in the Day of a Mama, Small Business Owner & Stylist: The Shut Down”

When I received the news about our “non-essential business” state-mandated shut down, I literally had a panic attack.  It was late morning on Monday, March 16th.  My two sons were home.  My husband was at work.  And, it was announced.  

My full-time career, my very own business that I had fought so hard for, was being shut down.  Initially, it was a 14-day mandate, however, we all knew that it was going to be for an undetermined length of time.  To say I began hyperventilating is an understatement.  

At that time, I had owned my own business for almost 12 years.  I had downsized and redefined my business substantially over the past few years, however, the snowball of debt followed me to my newly defined spaces.  In a very simplified version of my business, now off of my home.  Not IN my home, but off of our home.  My now one-chair salon was being run out of a separate space at our residence.  In fall of 2018, my husband and I renovated our garage into a cozy and quaint salon for me to run my business out of.  It was certainly a step in a better direction.  More aligned with a more simplified lifestyle I was so desperately seeking after the many challenges of running the original business, opened the literal week of the stock market crash in 2008.  A 5,000-square-foot space, averaging 15 employees, an array of services and financial overhead that nearly killed me on numerous occasions.  In late 2015, seven years into working beyond a full-time schedule behind my chair  and running all aspects of my business, I had an opportunity to downsize.  To simplify.  The decision wasn’t easy, however, I knew the best decision was to at least explore the opportunity.  For my health, for my family and for my business, it was the best choice.  It was difficult to let it go.  A space that I, and a few others, renovated with our own hands.  A space that I placed my whole entire heart and soul into.  I spent more time within those seven years nurturing my business than I offered to my own family.  To my own sons.  Granted, it was for them that I did it all.  However, the demands got bigger than I could manage very quickly.  And, just like that, one day  – I let it all go.  While this is a story for a whole other day, it’s an important part of the background of this particular post.  Part of my journey that I will happily share at a later time.  

The second space, in which I took one of my most loyal girls – She was the best friend I had in my life at that time besides my rescued pup.  She was the second busiest stylist behind my personally generated revenue.  She was one of my greatest support systems and, I promised her way back when, that as long as I could take her with me – I would.  She was like a little sister to me.  I loved her more than I loved myself most days.  I also brought one of our receptionists to assist with the transition.  While she was only part-time for the transition, she brought a positive energy to all things she touched and I simply was hoping that I could figure out a way for her to stay part of the shop.  The three of us branched off beyond the original studio.  On good terms, we eventually ended up parting ways with our sweet, vibrant receptionist.  We simply didn’t have enough work to justify a position for her into the new year.  My other trusted and reliable side-kick and I enjoyed two full years in the much more manageable shop, which was a two-chair cozy little spot around the corner from the first studio.  It was an incredible opportunity.  It was honestly a miracle and the only way out from being further suffocated by the financial responsibilities of the original studio.  Not to mention, the first time I walked into this particular space – I was instantly at peace with how manageable it seemed to clean.  To manage.  And, to simply enjoy working behind my chair again with my guests.  As my three-year lease began to draw near, I had an undeniable feeling that I needed to make yet another change within my life.  Translating to … Within the business.  

While this space was much more manageable than the first space, my boys were all the sudden not so little anymore.  With the slightly lessened financial burden of the new space, my husband and I began making progress towards some financial goals we had only dreamed of for our family – Mostly, to move.  To sell the house I bought when I was single with my oldest son and to purchase our first home together.  We were hoping to find a new and modest home in an area that we could see ourselves settling into until retirement, perhaps.  A neighborhood that we could see ourselves raising our youngest son.  Maybe even one day, having our grandchildren visiting and playing at.  We desperately wanted to move into a different area so our son could start middle school in the school we most desired for his education.  In 2017, we did it.  It was nothing short of another miracle.  Another story for a different day.  This, however, leads me to the spring of 2018 as I was pondering my business lease that was coming up at the end of the year.  What did it mean for my business?  For my friend and co-worker? For my very loyal clientele?  For my family?  For my health?  And for my soul?  There was still something that felt incredibly out of alignment within me.  That year, I began to develop some persistent health issues that proved to be serious by the end of 2018.  There was something so much bigger than I could possibly explain happening inside of my heart and my instincts were screaming at me.  It was a voice that I simply could not shake anymore.  Throughout the previous two years, operating my business on a smaller scale and more simplistic level, only made me value these things more.  I realized that it was time for me to make, yet another decision, for the future of my business.  For my family.  And, for myself.  Did I truly want to renew another three to five year business lease?  Or, was it time for me to make another change in my life and in my business?  

It was a beautiful spring day in 2018 when I was contemplating so many aspects of our life.  There was a frantic, unsettled feeling in my soul.  In my heart.  In my stomach.  I knew I needed to make a change, however, I had no idea what to do.  At the very moment I was taking in the peacefulness of our new home, sitting out on the back patio with my rescued pup, I said to myself, “It’s just so peaceful here.  I wish I could bring all of my clients here.”  With that, a bird flew into my view and landed just outside of the garage.  I thought … “Could I possibly bring them all here??”.  I instantly got up and called our local zoning board to inquire if it was even a possibility to operate my shop out of our residence.  At that time, it wasn’t zoned correctly for me to do so.  However, she said that it was possible and I was welcome to try to get it approved.  I then began the process to see if it was even a possibility.  Long story short, I presented my idea to the zoning board at their next scheduled meeting, early that summer.  And, we were approved to renovate our garage into a salon.  The only catch was that the approval was based on a one-chair salon, city resident employees only.  It was only approved for me.  To work alone, in a one-chair shop.  It was wonderful news that turned heartwrenching within moments.  This time, I had to choose between keeping the existing space for the sake of my friend and trusted co-worker.  Someone that had been my best friend and that had been by my side through it all.  Or, pursue the road less traveled.  The road I almost never chose at that time in my life.  The road that would set me free of all the things that consistently suffocated me.  The road that would align with my heart and soul.  The road that would end all of the sacrificing my family has made for the sake of my business.  The road that would bring me to my most simplistic and authentic version of myself and my business.  The road that would begin to heal the many layers of my life that had been shattered.  The road that would allow me to focus more on my health.  More on my family.  And more on the fundamental essence of my business.  While the decision made me physically ill – For once in my life, I had to choose the road less traveled.  It was, at that point, my only saving grace.  

Yet, through it all, my past came with me.  The financial dark cloud from the original studio and business loans … It all came with me.  Only now, it was time to change the narrative of my story and the destiny of my journey.  I was on my way toward true change and progress!  

Fast forward to the dreaded “non-essential business” shut down announcement.

I instantly thought of the financial business obligations I still had to pay off.  Which, I was finally within just months of doing.  I instantly thought of how familiar this feeling was.  It catapulted me back to those first seven years in business when I was suffocating in an ocean tide of financial hardships. Self-doubt.  And, when I was suffocating on the fact that I had failed my family.  

I fell to my knees.  Unable to breathe again.  Because … it reminded me of it all.  It reminded me of my many failures.

In that precise moment, all of my fears came rushing back.  I instantly felt swept away in that regrettably familiar ocean tide.  I was vulnerable. I was fearful.  And, once again, I was on my living room floor – Defeated.  Desperate to protect my family.  

However, in that moment, I was well aware that I was nowhere near alone in the small business community.  I was not unique.  While all of our stories vary.  All circumstances differ.  We were all in this surreal and vulnerable place.  Together, yet terribly alone.  Fearing that all we have built, was at risk of falling apart.  It was such a fear-based reaction.  And, quite honestly, it was paralzying.  

To be continued … 

Please stay tuned for my next post:

“All in the Day of a Mama, Small Business Owner & Stylist:  The Many Lessons of Covid, That Have Nothing to do with Covid. Or my business.”