I wrote this on January 3, 2014 – with a heavy heart and a new perspective on life.

Last Christmas, she asked me to add “thumb-print” cookies to my list of cookies being made for the Holidays.  Of course, my intention was to make her the cookies, as she requested.  I spent hours, maybe even days making all my usual cookies.  Diligently working through my list, in efforts to make love-filled gifts for my close friends and family.  The hours closed in on me, as they always tend to do, and I realized that time was running out.  How could I not fulfill her ONE request ~ “thumb-print” cookies?!?!?!  It was okay, so I thought.  It was okay, because there was always next Christmas.  Or her Birthday. Or. Or. Or …
But the harsh reality was, that after everything she had done for me throughout my entire life; her love and her time, both endless and completely unconditional … how could I not fulfill what ended up being her final request?!?!?
Within the next month, life as I knew it came crashing down.  It was crashing down all around me.  It hit me so hard, my spirit broke.  January 17th, 2013.  That was the day it all began.  That was the day I realized the significance of those cookies.  It was the day I realized the importance of living each day as if it was her last.  As if it were our last.
9:00 in the morning, January 17th, 2013 …
I made my usual call.  Her voice was shaky. Sad. And tired.  For the first time ever, she said, “I have been dreading your call this morning”.  I was appropriately shocked! She has never spoken to me in such a way.  Her voice always lifted when she heard me say Good Morning!  What was wrong??  What could be so wrong? Did I do something?  What was she not telling me?? In the moment it took for her to speak the sentence, our life changed.  January 17th, was the beginning of our end.  One of the most painful realizations for both of us.  She was my Best Friend.  She was responsible for almost everything good in me.  My foundation.  My wind beneath my wing.  She was one of my biggest fans.  No one has ever loved me the way she had.  No one understood me quite as she did.  Yes, she was my very Best Friend!  My angel here on earth.  My Hero.  So, how could this be??  That she was sitting there, all alone, dreading our morning phone call?!?!?
Her voice, it shook as she spoke the words … “I have cancer”.  No.  There must be some kind of mistake!  Even if it is true, it will be fine.  All will be fine!  She was just fine.  Tired.  But healthy.  Everything … will … be … fine … right??  “No, they aren’t wrong.  And, no, I’m not going to be fine.  I know what’s wrong with me and, well … it isn’t good.  I dreaded telling you this.  I was dreading your phone call this morning.”  I’m pretty certain that in that exact moment, someone punched me in the stomach and ripped my heart out of my chest – All at the same exact time.  No. Please.  Can’t we just go back??  Can’t we just go back and create a new story???  Please?!?!?  Never, has life felt so out of control.  Never, has time felt so precious and so fragile.  Never, have I felt so desperate for time.  Had I known this, I would’ve made those cookies.  I would’ve made so many of those cookies!  She always told me, “not to put off to tomorrow, what you can do today”.  She was always so aware of the fragility of an opportunity.  Of time.  For as certain as we are to assume “tomorrow will come”, she always urged me to think outside of that mindset. 
This Christmas, as I made all of my cookies, all I could think about was my bold assumption that we would share another holiday this year.  My assumption that she would still be here.  And I thought about how wrong I was.  How incredibly fragile time is.  How fragile love is.  How fragile life is.
It is impossible to turn back the hands of time.  It is impossible to go back and do everything as we would have – had we simply known.  She always told me, and in the end, she taught me such a grand lesson; To treat those we love as if it is our last moment with them.  To live each day as if it were our last. And to be sure that we find comfort in the last words we spoke to those we love.
As I evaluate myself, my time, my life … As I find myself in this place of reflection.  In this place of healing.  It all seems so simple.  It all seems so clear.  Each moment is a special occasion.  And, we should treat all moments as such.  If this were my very last moment here, with this person, in this place, on this day … What would I say to make sure they know how I feel??  What would I do to make this moment extra special for them??  On her Birthday, 18 days before she lost her courageous battle to Pancreatic Cancer, we celebrated!  We celebrated BIG!  That day … we celebrated her last Birthday SO BIG, as BIG as we could think to celebrate it … with the sole intention of making her feel special, hearing her laugh and seeing a smile dance across her face … To give her, one last special day.
Yes.  In her final moments, she taught me the most valuable lessons.  In the end, isn’t THIS what is important ~ to share laughter and love, our hearts and our souls, to be the reason someone’s eyes light up and a smile dances so gracefully across their face??  It is one of the greatest gifts we can offer to those we love.  Our heart.  Our energy.  And to make each moment feel like a special occasion … Just because we can. 
I dedicate 2014 to this mantra.  I dedicate 2014 to the many, many lessons of my Best Friend; to her lovely spirit and to all the moments in which we shared “special occasions”.  Just because we could.  And just because we had each other to share the moment with …